Steven Michael Kudelko

My stomach is grumbling because it is empty.  It makes me feel good.  The hungrier I feel, the more I feel like i’m making progress.  I need to suffer because I deserve to suffer.  If I starve myself, if I change myself, you will come back to me.  I need you.  You said you’d be there by my side for every doctor’s appointment, every hospital stay.  Where are you now?  Where did you go?  What made you break that promise?  I need you.  Can’t you understand that?  Don’t you realize this goes deeper than the fact that we don’t kiss on the lips and have sex and hold each other’s hands anymore?  I need you to love me in any way possible.  Just, please, find a way to love me.  I know deep down you still do.  You have to.  After all we’ve been through, after all the signs from the universe telling us we belong together… how can you throw that all away and run from it?  How could you have thrown me away and run from me?  That isn’t you.  This isn’t you.  You’re not yourself.  You know it.  Deep down… you do.  Let me save you.  Let me bring you back to yourself.  Let me bring real love and real peace back into your life.  I did it before.  I’ll do it again.  It’s my purpose in life.  We can both save each other at the same time.  You’ll save my life just by being in it.  Love is that powerful.  Our love is that powerful.  You know that.  Our love can change anything.  It’s a cure for cancer, a strategy for world peace, the way to end hunger and poverty and sadness…. so don’t hide it in a pink box somewhere.  Let it out.  Let it grow.  Come back to me, please.  This time, I need you.